An Ode To Chuck Norris (As interpreted by the Internet)

The Dawn Of A Norris

One would agree that this isn't the most original of blogs. Though I would have to reply by saying that you should just go take residence in the dumpster that is conveniently placed near flesh eating rats - Oh, and don't forget your Depends[SUP]TM[/SUP] (Which for you, instead of Depends, it should be called Most Definitely). For the rest of you, please, gather around the fire place and hear a tale that will convince you to throw yourself into that fire, & become a burnt welcome mat for Santa. It's the epic of a meta-God, who happens to be a Pisces, as am I, but a zodiac fish in only the fish stench similarity.

He, who is Chuck Norris, contrary to popular belief, was not born from the hellish fires of a super nova in the cosmos. He was actually born from, what is called a vagina, which is a myth here in the internet. Even the conception was spectacular. Chuck's father did suffer from a massively low sperm count. He only had one. The others? We have that spermasaurus, that was soon to be Chuck, to blame.

Months later, his mother was carrying that cute wil' WMD (Womb of Mass Destruction). One day, she asked a friend to feel her stomach to catch Chuck's feet. The funeral was planned next week. The cause of her death was a round house kick from the womb. Incidentally, Chuck's mom then put popular demand for Police yellow crime tapes as belts. The birth of Chuck was an unusual one. No, it wasn't a C-section. If it was, then it would be Chuck popping out of the stomach, Alien style! Although, it was a natural birth. A very scenic one too. The doctor was screaming between her legs, 'Push! Push!' Then two baby arms came out between her legs, & pushed the doctor down. When that event took place, Chuck learned a lesson. Never abide to the demands of others.

Okay, I'm too tired to go on with this. Story time is over, and how the hell did you all end up in my living room anyway?!

What do you mean this is Your house?! You called the authorities? Good. Justice will be served, just you wait asshole.

To Be Continued. . .