Hope You're Done PMSing, Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I do not know if it is your time of the month or if Father Time forgot your anniversary, but you really need to learn not to take it out on the rest of us. I can handle a good thunder storm, because I find them relaxing, even pouring rain is cool. Most of the time, you’re pretty good at avoiding knocking my internet out or causing a power outage, but today has been utter hell and I really wish you’d stop screwing with my sources of entertainment. Do you have any idea how boring these small towns are? I’m guessing not, because if you did, I’m sure you’d be less harsh during one of your tantrums.

Let’s review what you’ve done, today…

This morning, while I was in the middle of something fun on the internet, you took it upon yourself to make it storm for a few seconds, just long enough to knock out my internet. Then you were done and it was sunny again. Sure, I can handle that rare occurrence happening once in a day, because I can still play a game on my laptop or the PS3. So that isn’t as much of a big deal. I’m guessing you did it, because you caught Father Time flirting with a younger woman on Facebook. It’s totally understandable behavior for a woman, especially when her man is trying to trade her in for a younger model. I know if I had to the ability to knock out internet service, because someone ticked me off, I’d use it to its full extent.

However, let’s move on to your second strike of the day…

This afternoon, you let your raging PMS temper show, by making it storm pretty hard, which lead to knocking out my power and leaving me in the dark. I can handle it when you’re just messing around, by making the power go out once or twice, but allowing it to come back on. I’m even okay with you screwing with the satellite, while I’m trying to watch a good movie or TV show, because I know I can always turn to my PS3 and play a game, for an entertainment fix. But today took the cake. Not only did you throw a good storm at us, but you also caused me a 4 or 5 hour long power outage. That was wrong on so many levels. Firstly, it was humid as hell, today, and having the AC on is important, considering how hot this house gets. I disapprove of being a roasted bunny. Secondly, it’s really disgusting when you have to go to the bathroom really bad, but you can’t flush the toilet, because there’s no power for the pump to work and make it flush out into the septic tank. Thirdly, I couldn’t play a game on the PS3, to pass the time. I couldn’t even play a game on my laptop or watch movie on it, because that sucks the battery time down a lot. Sure, I could play a game or watch stuff on my iPod, but that battery drains even faster than the laptop’s does. Fourthly, you got my hopes up that the zombie apocalypse was starting. So I sat in the dark, with the faint glow of a candle, waiting for the zombies to come, so I could kick some zombie butt. But nooo, you let me down on that, too. Lastly, that hail was not very nice. Every time the windshields on our vehicles have to be replaced, our insurance goes up. Luckily, the hail did not leave any damage to the vehicles or the house. You’re lucky it didn’t, too, or else I would have had to get evil towards you.

Anyway, whatever your issues are, lady, you really need to seek help from Dr. Phil or someone, because I don’t want to go through this, anymore. It’s cruel torture.

Sincerely, EFB